Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
