dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
