she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
