First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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