Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
