i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
