Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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