The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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