I want to make a zoo with you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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