Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
