We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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