when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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