I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
