I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
