what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
