they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
