he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
