That's intense
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
