Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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