Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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