Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if only i could text you this smell
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
