maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
