that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
