if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize