I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
