I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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