I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
