Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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