I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
