So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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