I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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