Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
