that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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