i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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