Where is the hickey?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
