she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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