I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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