JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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