just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
