Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
