why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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