I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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