Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
