This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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