Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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