I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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