Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
