she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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