i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
