That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
do nipples grow back?
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