I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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