You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
