So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
