We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
