this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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