I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
