I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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