his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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