the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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