We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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