I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
