Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
