Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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