just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
