allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
