planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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