the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
