Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
