he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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