She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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