You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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