I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
