so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
